Thursday Ten...Things I don't like about christmas/December

1. Sidney was born on the 23rd of December, it really kind of sucks to have her birthday that close to christmas. She is always already on vacation. By the way....she was due January 14.LOL

2. School, teacher gifts.

3. School, christmas plays and songs during the day. Have they ever heard of working parents?

4. I'm getting tired already of christmas music.

5. Everybody seems to be in a bad mood, it must be a holiday thing.

6. I'm not even close to have my christmas shopping done.

7. Christmas is way to commercialized for my taste.

8. Whatever happened to Peace on Earth?????

9. I gain weight. I just can't help it.

10. I can't get into the christmas spirit at all this year.

ME

Yes, this one is all about me for a change. Well, maybe not all of it. LOL. I'm really glad that this week I actually seem to be getting back to normal. Meaning, it seems my brain is functioning again. Last week was absolutely horrible. I had a lovely panic attack last Tuesday morning and didn't even make it to work. I just felt so bad about myself, as a mother, wife, worker...just in general. It didn't help that there was a change at work for me. So I basically only made it through the week on meds. I hate doing that, I actually despise it, but I really didn't want to be sitting at work and hyperventilating. I went to see my doctor on Friday morning (yes, a psych doctor) and I didn't get new meds, but just a new perspective I guess.

So last weekend was actually pretty nice, we had really nothing going on and I got to catch up on laundry and housework, hang out with the girls in front of the TV to watch a bunch of episodes of the witches ("Charmed") which they love. And I have to admit I like it too. I got to crochet a bit, and actually said NO to people coming over on Saturday. Woohoo.

This week seems much better, I have a much better outlook so far (keep your fingers crossed), I'm actually wearing heels, a skirt and make up today. Also the change at work seems to be turning out for the better, I get to leave at 5 right on the dot, and I'm home by 5:30. Love it. I really need to remind myself to not want to take on the world. I can't do everything, even if I try. I should not feel guilty about wanting an hour to myself to read in peace in quiet or watch a TV show without being interrupted 10 million times.

And I don't feel bad that I actually gave the kids cans of Ravioli for dinner instead of a healthy homecooked meal. (OK, that doesn't really happen too much)

My wish for christmas is to get a good attitude towards my surroundings and my family and to be able to get a couple of hours of "ME" time.

Tuesday Ten: What I am thankful for.

1. My kids. They brighten my life (usually....lolol)

2. My husband. Yes, eventhough he can be a mayor PITA, I know he'll be there for me and the kids when I need him.

3. Having finally the guts to tell my mother off. (It didn't get anywhere like usual, because she denies everything, but at least I got it out.)

4. My house. Eventhough it's small, it's ours.

5. Being able to not have to worry about where my next meal is coming from.

6. Online friends. It's a great outlet and has saved me many times.

7. Having 4 days off, being able to cook thanksgiving dinner and enjoy it for the next few days.

8. My physical therapist. My left hand function is pretty much back to normal.

9. A glass of good wine. It just makes an evening so much more relaxing.

10. Our health. Yes, we all have stuff going on. (I swear the day I turned 40 my body decided to fall apart and work against me) But overall we don't have anything seriously wrong with any of us.

Soccer is done

whewww, soccer season is over for us. I'm kind of happy and sad at the same time. Sidney had a play off game on Saturday but they lost, so they are out. They were really unlucky, it wasn't that the other team was so much better, they were just luckier. I felt bad for our team because they deserved to win. So we even had a few tears shed after game.

Brenna had her last game Saturday and I was really disappointed with her coach this year. Coaches make such a difference. She had a great coach the first 2 years and was rated as one of the best players in her age group, but I don't think that will happen this year. She was very unmotivated and her coach didn't really connect with her. I truly hope she'll get a better coach next year.

Mackie had a great season. I'm sure she will get a high rating. She was really good. I guess having to deal with 2 older sisters really helps. LOLOL. I really liked her coach. And I felt so bad for the family. His wife got diagnosed with breast cancer 2 weeks into the season. But she was such a trooper, she showed up for most of the games and was always cheery. She even crochet a scarf for me because I refereed a lot of their games and made their hair bands. What a spirit.

Now I actually get my Saturdays back.

Balance

(Thanks Cat)

This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Balance in my life. I don't believe I have any. Actually it depends what balance means. My work is fine, I get my kids to school, manage to get them fed, do the homework with them, manage to get them to 3 different soccer games on the weekend, and to remember all the other odds and ends a mom has to remember during the week.

So what am I thinking about? ME. Where does it leave time for me? And yes, it is very easily said that you need to make time for yourself. I just don't seem to be doing a good job with that. I do manage to read for enjoyment almost every day. Usually it's at night right before I go to sleep. Can I blame this one on my mother too? Eventhough I hate to blame her for everything, I do think she is partly to blame. I guess if I had enough self confidence, I would make time for myself? Heck, I don't know. I try to be wonderwoman, but it is not working. Geee...what a surprise.

OK, back to my regular scheduled life. The "poor me" whine is over.

Happy 7th Birthday Brenna!!

Seven years ago today, I should have known that we were in for a wild ride. I was told by my doctor that the baby had turned around and was now feet down. He also told us that it rarely happened at 37 weeks, but oh well....Brenna did it. LOL.

So we went from a normal birth routine to a "go to the hospital right now" birth via c-section. I have to say that I was stunned, because I did not expect that.

Brenna was born around 8:30 pm, screaming loudly, weighing in at 7 lbs 10 oz eventhough she was 3 weeks early.

It has certainly been a challenging route. She is definately the one that challenges us the most at this point. I truly believe that the traits the drive us crazy right now, will serve her well later on in life.

I truly hope she'll find her niche in life and also remembers that her mom and dad love her very much.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL!!!!!

Halloween

So we survived Halloween. The kids had great time. And of course we have way too much candy. But I honestly have to say that I had more fun with Halloween when they were really little. The toddlers are just too cute all dressed up. It's so much fun to watch them.

Look at how cute they were. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Tuesday Ten: My own this time

Ten reasons why I'm thinking of cutting my parents out of our lives.

1. Mom tried to ruin my wedding day. Up to the last minute we didn't know if my parents were showing up or not. The night before I was told what a big mistake I was making and they probably wouldn't come to the wedding. I had booked an appt. for her with me and my bridesmaids to get our hair and make up done. She didn't show up for that. They finally showed up right on time for pictures. My opinion? They just wanted pictures to show everybody in Germany.

2. It was a nightmare when Sidney was born. She came out, supposedly to help out. Oh my god, in the hospital she threw a fit because she didn't get to hold the baby first. When I got home with Sidney, all she did was badmouth Paul, didn't help me one bit. I almost had a nervous breakdown, and Paul finally threw her out. So she decided to leave in the middle of the night and didn't want to take a taxi, wouldn't have Paul drive her to the airport, so I had to drive her to the airport, 5 days after giving birth, and listening to her all the way to the airport what a slave I am to my husband, and she had no clue how I ended up being this person that mistreated her.

3. Before my grandfather died I flew to Germany to see him one last time. I was really close with my grandparents and knew this would be the last time for me to see him alive. The day before I was flying back I asked my mom to go with my to say good bye to my grandfather. I knew it would be one of the hardest things I ever did in my life. Her response? "No, you have to go alone, I can't deal with that drama."

4. She has told me that the only reason that my grandmother was nice to me was to get back at her because supposedly grandma hated mom so much that she used me to get back at my mother. Whatever.....

5. She continuously twists things around and never takes responsibility for anything.

6. I was told that my kids are brats and we are bad parents.

7. When I was in the hospital 2 weeks ago, they didn't find it necessary to call me. I had my cell phone with me the whole time, nothing. When I got back home I got the "oh so concerned mother speech"

8. When I was pregnant with Mackenzie I told her what name we decided on. She told me she would be too embarrassed to tell anybody that she had a new granddaughter named Mackenzie, since it was such an awful name. So she decided not to tell anybody.

9. The whole time they were here she didn't cook once. Paul and I cooked dinner most of the time. Would it have killed her???????

10. I being told all the time:" When I get old, I don't want to go into home, before I do that I will kill myself with tablets, you have to take care of me."

Ten things I would like to get rid of

1. My parents. Seriously...they are going back to Germany on Monday. It can't be soon enough. I'm a nervous wreck and need to get back to normal.

2. My washer and dryer. I really really really want new ones. But we just got a new TV, so I guess I'll have to wait a little.

3. whining....I CAN'T TAKE IT.

4. Root beer. Can't take even the smell of it.

5. some pounds. Yes, I 've gained weight again, but man, with my parents here I had to do something fun.LOL

6. my old towels.

7. Mackie's bed, she needs a new bed.

8. my clothes from like 10 years ago. Why do I still have them?

9. stuff under the kids' bed. SCARY

10. Paul's car, I hate that thing, it's a 2000 Dodge Ram.

Is this it?

Do you ever wonder if this will be your life? .....forever?...........

Is it a strange thought? At this point I'm just continuously on the go, working, scheduling by boss and my family, keeping up with homework and birthday parties, doing laundry and trying to keep the house semi clean. Will it ever be different? I know people keep telling me to enjoy this time while the kids are young, but frankly, I'm not really enjoying it. I enjoy going to soccer games with them, I enjoy snuggling with them and looking at them when they are asleep, but I don't enjoy the mess, the arguing and the homework. I guess it comes witht the territory and the things we enjoy or dislike will just change from period to period.

I wish.................

I could have enough money to buy a ranch somewhere in Montana and enjoy life completely and fully.
I find myself never having enough time to do the things that would be joyful. I seem to run out of time. Oh well............

Friday before the storm

and no, not the weather kind. My parents are coming into town on Monday. It'll be a very trying period for me. Eventhough I'm 40 years old, it seems like I revert back to the little girl. That's the way she treats me too. Pretty unrespectful and only her opinion counts. It's very hard to maintain a positive attitude around her, but I will try my best.

Three soccer games again tomorrow. Sidney at 8:30, Brenna at 9:30 and Mackie at 2:30. After that I really really have to clean the house. I've been working so much lately that it resembles a pig sty. Not even talking about the millions of loads of laundry I have to do, including sheets and blankets.

Oh yeah, we also found 3 kittens that we have to bottle feed because mom abandoned them. Like we don't have enough animals in the house. LOL

Ilka

I'm BAAAAACKKK!

Soccer season is back. Here is one of the first pictures with most of Sidney's team and Mackie in the picture.



It's been a while, but my life has been really hectic. I had to get used to a really really busy job which I like, but it took some getting used to.
The girls are doing great. School is back on and Sidney started the Magnet program. If Brenna could only remember to actually bring her homework home we'd be rocking. These are the pictures from the first day of school.

Ramblings

Busy busy busy

that about sums it up for me right now. New job....which is real busy and and soccer season starting. And being on a diet, which makes me cranky anyway because I love to eat. Not a good combo. LOLOL.

Tidbits

First the big one: I got a new job, and I start July 30. The commute will be so much easier, no freeway for me anymore, no more downtown...YEAHHHH.

Mackie's party was nice and she had a good time. She got lots of Barbie stuff, one of the things came with a dog that you can feed, and then it poops too. No kidding..LOLOL. It also comes with a pooper scooper Barbie style. The things they come up with now. She requested a chocolate cake ( I have to post a picture later), and it was yummy, it had dark chocolate shavings all over the cake, and a sign made out of white chocolate which said "Happy 5th Birthday Mackie." We saved the sign in the fridge and Mackie got to eat it yesterday. OMG, you should have seen Sidney. She started crying that she didn't get any chocolate. I couldn't believe it. She is 8 years old and acted like a 2 year old. I hate these little dramas. Poor neglected child. LOLOL

Soccer season is about to start again and I signed up to be assistant coach for Sidney's team. Yes, just another thing because I have too much time on my hands. Now I have to attend 3 classes to be able to tell 8 and 9 year olds how to kick a ball.

Let the fun start again with 3 soccer games every Saturday, on 3 different fields, 3 different times. LOLOL. They all have so much fun playing soccer and they are all pretty good at it, but Brenna is extremely good, especially for her age. She basically scored every game, most of them multiple times. She just doesn't get tired and has no problem to take the ball away from somebody else. I guess that's the benefit of the middle child. LOL. She just has more drive than Sidney and Mackie. I hope she can keep it up and sticks with it. At the coaches meeting, the coaches for this year were fighting over who would get her on the team. (Proud mommy here...blush) But we are sticking with her old coach, she's been with him for the past 2 years and he really knows her well and knows how to get her going and have her listen to him. In addition we will have 3 practices during the week, and obviously I have to be at Sidney's practices, I just hope they start around 6, so I won't have a problem getting there on time.

We are finally taking our trailer out again and are going to the Lake this weekend on Friday. I almost had a heart attack when I noticed that the last Harry Potter book is coming out Saturday. I called up the local supermarket to make sure they would be selling it. LOLOL. And yes, they are.

I think that's it for now....

Tuesday Ten: Ten Things I would do if I won the lottery

1. Move out of LA and buy a house/ranch somewhere else. Maybe Sedona...or the coast of Maine.

2. Not work anymore, do volunteer work. Something with kids.

3. Have a housecleaner that also does laundry. LOLOL. I hate doing laundry.

4. Buy a nice RV and go travel around.

5. Take my girls to Europe on the big tour.

6. Move my parents and Paul's parents over here so they can stop bitching, but not too close to us. No walking distance.lolol

7. Have horses, Paul loves to ride horses, and so do I ( just haven't done it in a while), and we would love to have some horses for the kids. They would be in heaven.

8. Make sure that each of the girlies have a nice college fund.

9. Buy a vacation home on Sylt (island in the North Sea off Germany)

10. Take a vacation without the kids in Bora Bora.

Five years ago today

I was on the way to the hospital, and Mackie was born in the afternoon. I can't believe it has been this long. My baby is growing up fast. LOLOL.

I will always remember how scared we were because her official due date wasn't until Aug. 8, so she was pretty much a month early. But she was fine. She has been pretty amazing ever since. Potty trained herself at 2 because she didn't want to wear diapers anymore, and I had a hard time finding underwear for her because she was little. LOLOL. She also started talking much faster than the other 2, we had full on discussions with a 2 year old. At 3 years she called Sidney "pathetic" and used in the the right way too. LOLOL. She also can throw major tantrums, you can see the little lips quiver...watch out.

And she certainly knows how to deal with her sisters. She can hold her own and has no bproblem retaliating.

Happy Birthday Baby!!

Heat

Growing up in Germany, I liked nothing better to go on vacation somewhere where the sun was shining all the time and it was hot. Now I hate. If I would pick a vacation now, it probably would be Alaska. LOLOL.

I can't stand the heat anymore. I think this year we had like 3 inches of rain. For the past weeks, it has been continuously over 100 degrees. Just going outside is miserable. As soon as it gets over 90, I don't like it. Unless I'm at a nice resort, by the pool, with a gorgeous guy serving drinks. LOLOL.

It makes the whole day hard, on the 4th of July we couldn't even eat outside because it was too hot. I took the kids to the park on Saturday, and we didn't stay too long because of the heat. Even though it was all in the shade. Even the poor dogs don't want to go outside. I really would love to have 4 seasons again. Darn, my kids get excited when it rains because it's so rare.

And a little snow for Christmas would be great too.

Tuesday Ten: Ten things that brighten my day

1. Knowing I don't have to get up with the alarmclock and go to work. I like to just lounge around for a while and not have to deal with getting everybody ready.

2. No traffic. I hate sitting in traffic, so when I have a clear path I'm in a good mood already.

3. My "mom friends". Seriously, talking about the every day stuff makes the day a little easier.

4. Mackie: For being a little "mini adult" and such a little smartass.

5. Brenna: For being the most loving and not selfish kid I know. (Eventhough she can be a major PITA.LOL)

6. Sidney: For being a "mini-me." I can see a lot of myself in her. Good and bad. LOLOL.

7. My dogs. They are always happy to see me. :)

8. A good glass of wine. And I mean good... not the box kind. Some of my fav. right now are Meridian wines, Sonoma Cutrer (which I usually can't afford) and Turning Leaf.

9. Being able to sit outside in the morning before anybody is up. Now granted, that rarely happens, but it's so peaceful.

10. Good music. When I hear certain songs on the radio or CD I sing along (and not very good) and it puts me in a better mood.

Bad words

Last night we are sitting in our lovely air conditioned house and watching Iceage 2, when I hear out of Brenna's mouth. "You are full of shit" No, not to me, but to her sister. Nice talk for my lovely angel. Well, they all know the consequences for cuss word, yep, she got soap in her mouth. I don't think she will be saying that word in a while. She was screaming her pretty head off.

I will let certain word slide....like stupid or "Sidney you are a ding-dong," but I draw the line at that one.

So hopefully she learned her lesson.

Tuesday Ten: Ten things about summer

1. I don't have to get 3 girls ready for school....yeahhhhhhhhhhh

2. Remembering my summers as a kid. A lot of them were spent with my grandparent.

3. High electricity bills.LOL. We run the air almost 24/7.

4. I don't like summer very much in LA, it's too hot.

5. BBQing a lot, eventhough we basically BBQ all year round.

6. Letting the kids play in the water outside, they get such a kick out of it.

7. Drinking ice cold beer, nothing better in the summer.

8. Wearing flip flops every day. I'm lucky, I can even wear them to work.

9. Icecream, I love love love icecream any day of the year, but it's even better in the summer.

10. Not having to worry about homework and lunches.